Using the twelve step process of Alcoholics Anonymous, it says something like; having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. The fundamental principal applies to other areas besides addiction. I was not aware of this till a close friend pointed it out after telling him the following story. If i can reach out to someone who went through a similar experience, the effort has not gone to waste.
I was at a friend’s place with my colleagues/friends and everyone was having a good time. We decided to go to a club at some point in the night and I am told that is when my drink was spiked. I don’t know what was used but it worked almost immediately because I do not remember anything till I woke up the following day to find myself in bed, naked and my soiled tampon on the floor. That is when I knew something wrong had happened but my memory was blank .Normally when I drink alcohol; no matter how much I have had I don’t forget whatever happened the previous night, so this scared me. The attitude of my ‘friends’ was not helping because nobody wanted to talk about it.
I convinced myself it was a mistake and I really wanted to believe it, till I got to the office on Monday morning and the news hit me- confirming my worst fears, that I had been drugged and raped. It was painful to know that the person who did it was supposedly my friend and that the rest of the people who were present were gossiping about it behind my back. I actually had to sit a colleague down so that she could explain what really happened.
The emotional rollercoaster that I experienced after that cannot be put into words. I had no strength to press charges leave alone handle the matter with the people involved. I went to Nairobi Women’s Hospital and got a one month’s dose of ARV’s after they had run a few tests and a hepatitis B vaccination. The side effects of the ARVs were wearing me down but I had a supportive boss who understood when I called to say I would be late for work because I was feeling nauseous or light headed. I was not strong enough to pursue the counseling and that I was a big mistake on my part. I felt like everybody was pointing a finger at me so I resolved to deal with it my own way. It got too much and I decided to take a holiday and get out Kenya, I came back home three months ago.
I had my period of depression but I came out stronger. I learnt so much about spirituality and my inner self that I view this as a blessing. I still have moments of weakness and sadness but I am a much better person.
It is important to know who your good friends are and people who you totally trust should be around when you’re having a night in the town or at a party. Nowadays date rapes are so common so I cannot emphasize enough the importance of friends who you totally trust to be around you.
For those who go ahead and betray other people’s trust by doing such heinous acts, as survivors we should be strong enough to pursue the ends of justice and find it in ourselves to forgive them. I want to emphasize that forgiving someone does not mean you condone what they have done to you, but you let go of the pain that you hold inside of you. As for them they should be ashamed to say the least, a few moments of pleasure could lead to a lifetime of misery.
I didn’t go for counseling and in hindsight this was a mistake but I think the fact that I was working in an environment where I knew everyone was talking about me, I didn’t want to show weakness and this was to my detriment. The moment I had time on my hands, depression hit me like a storm because I didn’t have anything to keep me busy so I had to confront my feelings. At the time, my mother who I am close with was admitted in hospital so there is no way I would have told her about it. I thought my younger sister was too young to handle this and that it was going to make her paranoid so I pretty much kept the whole thing to myself.
Before I was given the ARVs, the nurse explained to me everything although I already knew because I was working for HIV non-governmental organization. They did vagina swabs and checked for any signs of violence and in my case there wasn’t. I was also given the hepatitis B vaccination which I had to go for again three months after that. The HIV tests were also carried out twice after that. The HIV counseling is the only form of counseling I got.
My future is full of plans; I want to study psychology and open my own practice at the end of the day. I have a passion for travelling so I definitely have to tour the world. Whenever I can I do some charity work, nothing specific though I just take time out to do different things for different people.
I have learnt that I am a very kind person on the inside but I don’t know how to protect myself from people who take advantage of that. So when I am doing something for somebody else I am in no way expecting even words of gratitude although it is very gratifying.
I have also learnt that nothing is impossible when you put your mind to it. Sometimes hardships come but if you always remember that ever y experience is a gift, then it is easier to come out of it having learnt a lot. Sometimes we are not prepared for the big things we want in life so a higher power has a way making things happen at the perfect time.
I just have moments of sadness but I am free of this incident owning my life.
